What's a life motto you appreciate?
i feel awful that i had to just google "list of life mottos" because i've never had one. but based on this list, i'd most likely go with "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom." - Isaac Asimov

What do you think the world will be like in fifty years?
like the commonwealth wasteland from fallout 4. aka not good.

If you had to survive on one kind of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
bacon.

Would you rather eat a bucket of tadpoles or a dozen tarantulas?
neither.

What's the title of the movie of your life?
"the place holder". i would go with "good luck chuck", but that was already made.

If you and Jon body swapped, what's the first thing you would do?
scream and immediately try to get back to my own body.

What is one bit of advice you'd give to your past and future self?
i'm awful at advice, so i don't even know how to answer this, sadly? uh. maybe 'don't give second chances' but that's subjective and not exactly a good piece of advice. i'm bad at this.

What video game do you wish life was more like?
mass effect. if only because then i'd have a purpose that i was fighting for, rather than going from day to day just existing.

If time wasn't an issue and you had forever to master a skill, what skill would you master?
relationships.

Who or what do you always have time for?
my job.

What are two things you'll never spend money on?
recreational drugs and taylor swift albums.

What do you need to rant about or get off your chest?
i have a lot. i'm not about to share them here, but i...have a lot of pent up rage and aggression lately that i'm not handling very well.

What's the best bad decision you've made?
when i have one, i'll get back to you.

What was your favorite cartoon when you were growing up?
inspector gadget.

What's the weirdest thing you used to eat as a child?
i don't know if it's weird, but i used to love broccoli. so i'd just eat plates of it.

What was the last movie that made you cry?
does not compute. men don't cry at movies, duh.

If you could add 4 hours to your day, what would you spend that 4 hours doing?
working.

What was a random compliment that someone gave you that really stuck in your memory?
i can't actually remember the last honest and true compliment i've gotten that wasn't someone trying to get something from me.

What's your favorite childhood memory?
when my parents disowned me, because i thought, in that brief moment, that i was finally free of them. i wasn't.

How do you get your strength every day?
a lot of pretending.

Who's your celebrity crush?
it changes a lot, but usually it's a cute blonde.

You get to marry one fictional character – who is it?
commander jane shepard.

In your mind, what are your 3 biggest weaknesses?
my emotions, that i let too much get to me/overthink things, that i don't know how to deal with relationships.

You only get 3 words to describe yourself – what are they?
always looking backwards.

What's your weirdest pet-peeve?
when people read over my shoulder to see what i'm doing.

You can have one superpower – and only one. What is it, and why did you pick it?
invisibility. i think it's kinda self explanatory.

When did you have your first kiss and who was it with?
when i was 18. i was a late bloomer. her name was amy. i got punched in the face after by the boyfriend i didn't know she had.

What's your favorite food to eat?
pizza.

What actor would play you in a movie about your life?
oh i don't want a movie made after my life!

Pick one to live in: beach, city, or country?
city, it's easier to hide and blend in.

What would you do in a week if you were told you only had a week to live?
i'd mostly just do what i do now. wake up, go to work, go home.

why is your company called beetle industries?
It's a nickname from college.

any celebrity crushes? what are your pet peeves?
already answered these!

if you could live in any fictional world, what would would it be?
rapture, columbia, or the citadel.

where do you like to shop?
amazon. thinkgeek. really anywhere online, i hate going shopping.

what job would you be terrible at?
public speaking, which is hilarious because i give a lot of speeches now.

what's been he best and worst purchases you've made?
the best was a train ticket to boston. the worst might have also been the train ticket to boston, depending on how you look at it.

has the best purchase become a long term investment?
essentially, i guess because i live here now.

what quote or saying do people spout but you think is complete bull?
"everything happens for a reason", "it's not you, it's me", "i'll always have a place for you in my heart"

would you rather live your entire life in a virtual reality where all your wishes are granted or in the real world?
virtual reality, because real life is such a let down 95% of the time, you know? maybe i'm just overly pessimistic and really just want something to go right for once.

would you rather always be able to see 5 minutes into the future or always be able to see 100 years into the future?
five minutes. i don't want to see 100 years into the future, i'll never be able to live that long.

What set of items could you buy that would make the cashier the most uncomfortable?
porn usually does it. no one goes to buy porn anymore.

What is the funniest joke you know by heart?
guy owns a sex shop, and has his friend come in and watch the shop for a little bit. when he leaves and his friend is behind the counter, someone comes in. goes, "how much for the white dildo?" and the friend goes "$20." the customer pays for it and leaves. another one comes in, looks a little more nervous, and after wandering around the store, goes to the counter. "how much for the black one?" the customer asks, and the friend goes "$100". customer pays and leaves. another customer comes in, and is just way too excited to be in the shop. doesn't hesitate at all and runs to the counter, excitedly pointing, "how much for the green and red plaid one?" and the friend replies "$700". The customer pays and leaves. A little while later, the owner comes back and asks how it went. his friend goes "i made a few sales," and the guy asks what he sold. his friend replies "i sold the white one for $20, i sold the black one for $100, and i sold your coffee thermos for $700."

What are the unwritten rules of where you work?
don't ask the boss out on a date. he'll say no or flail around and walk into a wall, so just ignore him all together.

What is something that you just recently realized that you are embarrassed you didn't realize earlier?
something pretty personal that i'm not going to share.

What is the funniest corporate / business screw up you have heard of?
oh i've got some real good ones but i can't share them cause of various things that i've signed.

If you die and find out that everyone gets to choose a twelve-foot by twelve-foot square to stay in alone for eternity without being able to influence or contact the living world, what twelve-foot by twelve-foot square would you choose?
uh.....what?

What's the best type of cheese?
brie.

What kind of cult would you like to start?
not scientology, i'll tell you that.

In one sentence, how would you sum up the internet?
not always used for good.

If the all the States in the USA were represented by food, what food would each state be represented by?
Someone already did this for you, here you go.

What are some fun and interesting alternatives to war that countries could settle their differences with?
Gaming competition.

What would the world be like if it was filled with male and female copies of you?
.....i wouldn't fucking wish this on anyone oh my god. it'd be a world of workaholics that hide and never speak to each other and then the human race would die out really quickly because they'd never make a move on anyone, or get let down completely and that would be it.

What's the best Wi-Fi name you've seen?
Someone used a Trojan virus name, that was pretty creative.

If life were a video game, what would some of the cheat codes be?
Motherlode & kaching.

How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
I'm stealing my answer from this: one, if it was undercooked.

What would be the worst thing for the government to make illegal?
The internet.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
Ok this is not my answer, but now I'm just thinking of that Detachable Penis song and laughing. But for the record, I wouldn't want any body part to be detachable.

What's the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?
I woke up and someone completely re-arranged all of the rooms, and painted my kitchen. That was really weird.

What's invisible but you wish people could see?
Mental illness. I think it would change how people treat each other.

If you were held at gun point and told that if you didn't impress them with your dance moves you would be killed, what dance moves would you bust out?
HA, i'd end up being killed, my dance moves are awful!

What mythical creature would improve the world most if it existed?
People are pretty obsessed with unicorns these days, so I'll say that.

How do you feel about putting pineapple on pizza?
Not a fan.

You're a mad scientist, what scientific experiment would you run if money and ethics weren't an issue?
What makes you think I'm not already a mad scientist? Why would I share my secrets, hmm?

If you were wrongfully put into an insane asylum, how would you convince them that you're actually sane and not just pretending to be sane?
Considering everything I'm going through right now, I'm not completely convinced that I'm not insane, or going insane! The things that I remember and see lately? It's...maybe I should go to an asylum, anyone know of a good one?