|ted kord vs the (phoenix) world|
TED KORD VS THE WORLD: ROUND ONE
At first you don't think that anything is wrong, but it's not until somehow Michael has flames that you start to panic. That oh, well fuck, something isn't right, and you try to reason with him. "Michael! Booster, what are you doing, dude? Come on, you're all...flame on and stuff and I don't think that's something we do? Or anyone from our universe does? Mike? Buddy...?" But it's not Michael, not really, and your eyes go wide as his eyes light up like a flame and his whole body just glows like some weird fire-like bird. With fire wings.
He tells you, "I have to cleanse the Earth of people like you!" and you're confused, "What people like me? Smart people? Shouldn't you also be going after Bruce Wayne then? Isn't he around here? Or other really smart people?" You're protesting and you're holding your hands out in a placating manner, backing up as much as you can.
"No!" Michael's weird fire-bird voice booms, and god there has to be a better word for that, as he yells at you, "Those who are better looking than me! They must perish! Theodore Kord, you must die!"
"Dude, don't fucking call me Theo-- wait, what?!" You exclaim, and you're this close on getting into your trademark belly laugh (it's on the tip of your tongue) but oh god, he punches you all flame and fury right in the face and you go flying into the wall. He's on you, punching your face and cutting you, and setting parts of you on fire because he needs to make you ugly. But really, your self-worth level already tells you that you are already ugly and so not better looking than Michael is (Jesus, it's Booster Gold for fucks sake! He's an Adonis! You're just mushy clay!) but it doesn't really matter.
When fire-bird Michael decides that you're beaten up enough (and god, do you feel it,) he leaves you alone. You yell after him that he's an idiot, that there isn't anyone better looking than him, but you're not sure your new fire bird best friend heard you over the flames flying around his fucking body. Your apartment living room is kinda ruined and you're freaking out as you contact Tora to tell her what happened.
Hours later, when Michael is back to himself, and you're with him and Tora, you're holding an ice pack to your face -- that Tora made herself with her ice magic because of course she did -- where you can feel your face swelling. "Dude, you punch way too hard," You try to joke, but Michael isn't laughing. At least he's not the fire bird anymore.
Phoenix, that's the word. At least he's not a Phoenix anymore.
TED KORD VS THE WORLD: ROUND TWO
You hoped that the Phoenix power was gone, since it left Michael, but when you wake up early morning to a small level of heat, you're realizing that you're not exactly correct in that assessment. You wake up and walk into the living room where you see Tora, not looking quite like herself. You tell yourself that maybe she's just...overly warm...even though her powers are ice, and she goes by Ice, and oh god, is it happening again?
"Tora? What are you doing?" You ask, face definitely black and blue now, and swelled, burns from the day before wrapped up and trying to heal, but you're only human (and that's only because the scarab never really chose you in the first place). "Tora...?"
She turns and looks at you, fire behind her eyes. Which...isn't at all what her powers are, since she calls herself Ice (and you call her Elsa...but not to her face), but she's not really Ice right now. She's got fire in her. "I know how to make my life perfect," She states, "I'm going to resurrect my father." And then it clicks that uh....resurrecting people? This is bad. Why couldn't she just go and beat him up for being too pretty? So that sets off all your flags, as you grab her by the arm. "Tora, no that's an awful idea! Making zombies is never a good idea and --"
And she so doesn't like your reasoning (does anyone ever?) and she uses her powers (holy fuck, she got strong, how is that fair?) and throws you into the living room wall, as you hit it hard, and you immediately black out, your body sliding to the floor. Once you wake up in an hour or two, you see the snow storm starting outside in the middle of August and you groan. "Oh, come on! For fucks sake!" You say to absolutely no one, as once again you make calls, and grab Michael, "Quit feeling sorry for yourself dude, we gotta go get your girlfriend!" Why are you the sudden sane leader? The hell is going on? Are you going to go and get a cave? Call it the Beetlecave? Get cool cars...? Eh, too flashy.
So it's off to go save Tora from...fire bird demon from Hell or whatever the fuck it is. And this time, there are more than just you and someone else battling the Phoenix version of your friend. There are others. A whole lot of others. But you say something to Tora, that you hate to say out loud, and pretend that you don't know that others can hear you: "We both died once, Tora! We both died, and we came back and we feel that emptiness every day, but don't go through it again! Don't do this, don't die again because really stop one upping me, I only just came back, okay?" And yeah, maybe adding in humor isn't a great thing, but you like to think that maybe, maybe it helped.
When Tora is herself again, and Michael is himself again, you're almost disappointed that you're not turning into flames. But since you're in a shit ton of pain, and still trying to crack jokes, maybe that's for the best. Not that either one of them like the jokes, and they're actually throwing pillows at you to shut you up.
There is at least no way that you'll have to deal with that fire bird bullshit again.
ted kord vs the world: round three
It's around one in the morning on Tuesday, and you should be sleeping, especially with all the pain, but instead you're trying to pack a bag, anything to just get away for a while. A vacation could be really nice right now. Maybe to a country you've never been. But when you enter your living room, suddenly, Barbara Gordon teleports into your living room, and you know that the Bat folk don't have teleportation -- no way that Bruce Wayne is that smart (whoops, you know his identity! Do people still have those?) -- so you sigh heavily.
Because she's floating in the air and she has fire around her and why won't this fucking fire bird thing leave you the fuck alone? And then she speaks: "Theodore Kord. So simple of a creature to cause such struggle within this heart. I see who you are. Just a man."
Struggle? Heart? The hell? Of course you know what she means, considering the feelings that she has for you that this fire bird thing has decided to exploit because...what, you're a weakness? You think for a moment that it makes no sense, and think to actually say that, but instead you deflect with humor, "Oh great. You're stuck with the fucked up fire bird too. Just get on with it already."
Which, of course you shouldn't have said that, because she uses fire talons (what kind of fucked up possession power is this fucking thing?!) and she's lifting you up in the fucking air, and you're on fire again, why the fuck does this keep happening this week. You tell yourself, don't taunt the fire bird taking Barbara over. Donottauntthefirebird, but hey, you don't listen, "Oh, joy, lifted up in the air! That's real fucking original!" Because this is now the third time this has happened, like you're a fucking rag doll.
So what is it this time? Michael already tried to cleanse the Earth of people prettier than him. Tora was way into resurrection, and it's not even Fall or Halloween and girls in ugg boots and mini skirts aren't ordering Pumpkin Spice shit yet. So what is it this time? Put things in their rightful places?
Okay, that might actually be bad. Since you know your rightful place is...dead.
And of course Fire bird Barbara tells you that she can kill you, she can put an end to you, as she lifts you higher in the air, and you try so hard not to scream, not to call out in pain, and you're fighting it. She full names you again, and you scream out "Why is everyone fucking using my full name?!" Because humor. Humor will help. Never take anything seriously, right?
The pain is taking you over, and the humor is leaving you quickly and so, you scream out. You scream that she should just go through with it, because she walks all over you, over Thad anyway. You're just a rebound game to her, you don't mean anything to her. You're always going to always in the shadow some guy you hate, to some other guy you've never met, and you're done. "Don't pussy out on me!" You scream, you taunt, you beg her to just kill you already.
And then, she leaves. She screams out, she calls out words and names and phrases that you hear but you can't respond because she's gone, leaving your couch on fire slightly as she goes. Because of course she does.
You fall to the floor, you gasp for air, and you clutch your side. You immediately text Michael and Tora (With a "Elsa, make me ice...I need a doctor") and then, then you pass out.
Fuck the Phoenix fire bird possession demon from Hell. Seriously.